I am not enough

Do you ever feel as though you don’t measure up? Do you struggle with discouragement, doubts, fears . . . maybe even a general sense of insecurity? I recently spoke at a women’s event and, near the end of my message, I asked the women to identify one lie they believed about themselves that tended to control them. I then asked them to write that lie on a note card and bring the card forward if they wanted to surrender that thought to God.

At first the auditorium was quiet except for the music playing in the background. Then, one by one, the women began to come forward. Soon it looked like a flood of women had been released from their places in the pews. Many of these women didn’t just bring their cards forward and return to their seats. Instead, they knelt. They prayed. And they wept.

Before I knew it, my own eyes were full as I dropped to my knees. “Lord, what burdens are these women carrying? What lies do they believe? What has driven them to tears? Heal them Lord. Deliver them from their brokenness. Set them free.”

As I read through the cards after the session was over, I was heartbroken. I have to believe God was heartbroken as well.

On card after card the phrase “I am not enough” appeared in ink on the page. Other women used different words, but the lie was the same.

“I am not good enough.”

“I am insignificant.”

“I am and will always be a chubby, unlovable person.”

“I feel like I need to be better. It’s hard being me. I am never enough.”

“I’m not worthy to be loved.”

“I’ll never be accepted.”

“I am not enough.”

“In my pride I feel I have to be perfect. I’m tired of trying to be perfect.”

“I’m never going to change. I’ll never be free.”

“I am not worthy.”

“I am a failure. God will never forgive my sin.”

“I am not good enough. I will never be good enough for God to love me.”

“Guilty.”

“I am not ok.”

I have been praying over those little yellow cards and the women they represent. As I pray I find myself asking questions: Who’s telling us we’re not good enough? Who’s convincing us we’re inadequate? Why can’t we rest in who we are in Christ? Why can’t we trust what God says about us and what God says about Himself?

I believe the answers to these questions vary from woman to woman. For some of us, our past condemns us. For others, events in our childhood convince us we’re unworthy. For many, the tapes in our head convict us over and over again. But regardless of what drives these thoughts, I have to ask one question: How do these thoughts measure up to the truth of God’s Word?

Does God see us as insignificant? Does God look at us and immediately see our inadequacies and insufficiencies? Can we exhaust His grace? Will He ever abandon us for a girl who has her act together?

I wish I could answer these questions with a resounding, “Absolutely not!” But, the truth of the matter is, I often fail to believe what God says about Himself and what God says about me. In fact, if I had been in the audience that day, here is what I would have written on that little yellow note card:

God is growing tired of me and I am exhausting His grace. I will never be good enough for God.

You see, deep down inside I fear I will never measure up to who or what God wants me to be. I am afraid I will never get my act together. I am certain that eventually God is going to grow tired of me.

After that conference I realized one thing:

I am tired of living this way!

I am tired of drowning in the lies of inadequacy, fear and insecurity. I think the women at that conference are tired of living this way. And above all else, I believe God is tired of us living this way. And, I believe He wants to set us free and help us rest securely in who we are in Him.

Colossians 2:10 says, “in Him you have been made complete.”

Clearly I don’t believe this and neither do many of the women I minister to. And, we have allowed the enemy to rob us of the rest, confidence and security we have in Christ. Now I am on a quest to understand what it means to be complete in Christ.

I don’t want someone to build my self-esteem. I don’t need someone to help me feel better about myself. I don’t want someone to convince me I’m good enough. I simply want to rest in the fact that, at the cross Jesus exchanged my inadequacies for His sufficiency. And because He is enough . . . I am enough.

Do you want to join me? Do you want to trade your insecurity for the security of knowing who you are in Christ?

If so, check back in on my blog. The writer in me will be journaling the process and the warrior in me will be going to battle. Once and for all I want to learn to destroy any thought raised up against the knowledge of God and I want to learn to take my thoughts captive. (2 Corinthians 10:3-6)

Until then, let’s rest in the truth of Colossians 2:8-10:

See to it that no one takes you captive through philosophy and empty deception,

according to the tradition of men, according to the elementary principles of the world,

rather than according to Christ.

For in Him all the fullness of Deity dwells in bodily form,

and in Him you have been made complete. (Emphasis mine.)